I have no idea how long it’s been since the last time I visited this quiet space, But having hobbled along in a sober drunk with this blog, I now take my hat off to anyone who can steadily stay the course. I thought it would be a leisurely stroll through the park, an almost involuntary plucking of topics, like wildflowers, from a field of ideas. But, alack! Alas! I was wrong. And it’s a little embarrassing, to say the least, feeling like I’m starting over almost every time I sit down to write.

Oh, well. What can one do, but keep doing. I’ll figure it out eventually. There is content everywhere, I know. I can hear the taunts swarming like bees. Though for me, it’s still an incomprehensible cacophony, an active analytic mind mixed with an active imagination that is racing in too many directions. Maybe I’m just trying too hard. Or perhaps, it’s just that little voice inside my head that still doesn’t quite believe I have anything worth saying. (Screw him! That jerk!)

Equipped with a brush, these hands are poets who lament and rejoice in painted verse, eloquently expounding the encounter with Life, expressing in evocative shapes and radiant color what I only wish I could say in words with as much meaning. Writing, however… is a real effort… almost the result of an argument with myself in which I typically feel dissatisfied, as if the most important parts were left unsaid. Sure I have my moments (without a doubt) like most people, when inspiration is brimming. But the point of this was to chart my journey through the sludge too, to document all the ridiculous missteps leading up to the rapturous height, to capture the “Ah!” moments as they are being realized, or perhaps to induce those epiphanies by laying out the framework in a way that I can see and interpret.

Instead, Life simply happens. And this blog becomes the afterthought, the clean slate, when the dust has settled and the real adventure has been experienced and expressed in other ways.

(Insert sigh here.) Sounds like something I’ll have to remedy.

~ ’til next time

Advertisements